Fridgin' Cool!

Two nights ago, I threw a fit.  This was the fit of all fits, the likes of which I never knew I was capable of....the likes of which only my husband has seen....I am now my mother. (Love you Mom!)

My rage erupted like a volcano bursting open with life-threatening lava, creating a path of destruction and devastation everywhere I stormed. Everything made me angry: our dark walls, the holes in the roof boards, the lack of air circulation in the bedroom, the cockroaches that keep drowning in our toilet, the smell of rank water behind our house, the tin roof that creates an oven effect midday everyday...well, let's stop right there.  What set me off?  The heat, the intense burning heat that is Thailand in the 'winter' time.  It burns all day long, the sun, in cloudless skies and for the first time I am miserable in tropical heat!

After my fit, Tik and I spent the day roaming the side streets of Ao Nammao and Ao Nang looking at houses for sale. There are some great homes for sale, some priced outrageously but most reasonably, and while Tik and I would be approved for a loan from the bank we're both a little hesitant to take such a plunge financially. I decided a long time ago that I would rather live poor for the first few years and save as much as we can before we move up to the home and family life we both dream of having someday soon. I'm trying my best to stick with that, with a sure smile. Besides, our first major investment should be a car that can pick up customers for rock climbing and increase our business clientele on the mainland. We've got our sights set on one already, a steady secondhand from a dear friend of ours.



Now, getting back to the heat....last night Tik and I bought a fridge and two more fans for our home! What a magnificent piece of technology, that beautiful, bold, dark royal purple fridge I bought! The stream of cool air started humming immediately after I plugged it in, and I daresay I stuck my head in the freezer immediately, marveling in pure joy.

This beauty only cost us $200 USD (thank you Thailand!) and for an extra $100 we stocked up and built us a kitchen: cooking utensils, electric grill and cooking pot, foods, sauces, cereals, pastas, fresh fruits and veggies....enough to last us a few weeks!  Oh the fun!

Tik and I decided to stay put, and slowly we are transforming the house into a home. Tik bought me flowering plants and trees to decorate the inside and front porch of our home, and he's planning on hiring our neighbor to clear the garden behind our house which will one day be my vegetable garden. We're going to invest in a proper sink and drainage system from our kitchen, which will help the rank smell that boils in the day time but in the mean time....some fresh cut flowers and scent plug ins help.

I'm a moody wife lately, with good reason....but at the end of the day I am grateful for the fact that I have married a wonderful man, a loving husband, and the guy of my dreams trying so hard to make all of my dreams come true.

Who knew Mitsubishi made anything other than cars?  Every day living in Asia I discover new markets and products I never knew existed. Asians love the convenient built, all-in-one products that make day to day living easy...and tell you what, I do too! Check out other home appliances built by Mitsubishi here.

Now that my kitchen is set up, I am eagerly awaiting my next care package. Goodies should all be relative to what I can NOT get in Thailand...i.e. anything Mexican!  Seasonings, dry sauce packets, a cook book perhaps? Love you guys!

Can you eat this? A typical day of eats in the South of Thailand...

First off, I must apologize for the use of shutter-stock images for this blog post....I have lost my camera charger!  Until I have enough time to get to the city, these stock photos will have to do.

 Food in Thailand is a very serious cultural affair.  I mean, some Thais would rather starve than eat sub-par foods.  I have seen this first hand, case in point, with my best friend Queen.  When she travels abroad she carries her own supply of chili sauces and when those run out, subsists entirely on chips and salads.  I find it hilarious, that while I manage to gain no less than 15 pounds in one month when visiting my homeland in the USA, she loses 20! (Maybe not that hilarious after all.) 

I am 'farang': the not so endearing term Thais use for 'foreigners' over here.  However lately I have earned some clout in the small community I currently live in, because I have married a Southern Thai man. I am constantly being tested however, with odd questions about behavior, sex and money (both of these topics strangely open to discussion no matter who you are over here), and mostly with foods. "Can you eat this?" is the favorite pastime for all the fellow shopkeepers around our small business, second only to a friendly game of badminton on the beach. 

I have also married a Muslim Thai man. When this news was announced to my friends and family back home, the typical response were questions like "will you have to cover your hair?"  Well, for my Thai friends (those predominant Buddhists) the first question was of course "will you have to stop eating pork?" Like I said, food always comes first.

So allow me to run you through a typical day of eats in the South of Thailand!  Breakfast is usually a hurried affair on the go. Tik and I have to leave our home by 7:30 and catch our boat to Railay at 8 am every morning. Our neighbors just happen to run a cafe and restaurant, which allows us 15 minutes to devour coffee and doughnuts.  The Thai doughnuts are thick, but hollow and fluffy inside, with a very chewy dough. They can be eaten plain, or dipped in sweetened soy milk , or even more sinfully and deliciously consumed when dipped in sweet and creamy condensed milk. We take them plain since we eat them with our coffee. Coffee can be black, black with sugar, black with milk, or local style: black with a thick layer of condensed milk on the bottom. We take the layer on the bottom, and stir feverishly for about 40 seconds before we drink our coffee deserts each morning.  One coffee usually does the trick, and its thick flavor can stay on your tongue for hours!

Other sweets occasionally accompany our breakfasts. Today I munched on Daifuku, traditionally a Japanese dessert with little surprises in the middle. They are colorful, with a gel like texture, spongy to the touch. They are very chewy inside, and my sweets were stuffed with blueberry jam and chocolates this morning. They are coated with a fine layer of sugar powder and can be quite addictive.

Another local treat often enjoyed in these parts is the appropriately named 'stinky bean.' Not really eaten raw, these beans are cooked into soups and curries and launch a strong bitter taste....I usually pick around these little green buds, but I can eat them, in small doses of course!

Another favorite treat of mine is 'kanom jeen' an assembly of plain rice noodles drowned in curries like yellow fish curry, sweet northern tomato style chili, isaan spicy, green curry and then covered with greens such as: green beans, onions, cucumbers, bean sprouts, herbs and chili powder. 

 Thai styled BBQ fish, includes all the parts: tail, eyes, and everything in between. Don't worry about the bones, most of them are soft enough to eat. Like river prawns (shrimp) the tails and heads are also consumed as delicacies. 

 Blue crab is consumed by the kilo in these parts of Thailand. During a particularly rainy day, a few eager fisherman will shore up behind our shop displaying large overfilled baskets of blue crabs, and it's a race to grab the best bits! The women from all the shops and restaurants and mini marts run up to get the first pickings: the females are tastier, but avoid the ones with the blossoming egg sack....the energy spent on the eggs apparently makes the meat tougher. As usual in the animal world, the males are least desirable. 

 Ok this is one I can not eat! Fish maw, or fish stomach soup. It is a unseemly dark brown color, it smells and the textures alarm me....sorry, but no. Unfortunately my husband loves the stuff. Sorry hon, that won't be on a dinner menu in my kitchen any time soon!

 This one I can, do and enjoy to eat: spicy seafood and squid salad. Blasted with dynamite hot Thai chilies and fresh lime juice, this salad is a treat for the senses. It looks beautiful, with bright vibrant colors, smells of the fresh sea, and tastes like a sweet and spicy bomb in your mouth! 

Speaking of foods...it's way past my lunch time and posting these photos has made me very hungry indeed! 

What's on the menu this afternoon???  Tuna sandwich...I am an American girl after all, and sometimes a good ole' fashioned 'wich just hits the spot!

If our world were a coral reef....

Every day I take a boat to work and settle down for an 8-10 hour working day sitting in the office working the finance, accounting and marketing aspects of a rock climbing shop my husband owns.

Because I live on an island, because I traverse the deep blue ocean seas day in and day out, because I live on a tropical island, and because I have way too much time on my hands....I wondered today what it would be like to describe our working environment, as it would be under the sea.

We operate our business in a world where perceptions deceive. Where we work, is a hot bed of politics and cut throat business....a coral reef if you would, full of creatures that are beautiful and deadly.

Imagine a coral reef, and all the beautiful colors. You've got brain corals, hammer corals, sea urchins, beautiful giant clams and schools of fish passing by constantly.  The tourists who weave in and between our shops every day are the schools of fish. Most tourists are calm, friendly and polite: parrot fish, they come in hundreds of shapes, sizes and colors. Parrot fish are an essential part of any coral reef, the munch here and there and deposit sand in exchange. They swim slowly, lingering here and there, and take little bites everywhere they turn. Parrot fish, we love them.

Some tourists are not so desired. Some tourists resemble this guy: yellow headed jawfish. Known for their big ugly mouths and for literally stirring up a mess everywhere they go, these guys also frequent our reefs unwelcome, but tolerated.

The reefs around us, to the front and left if you're drawing a map, well these reefs are full of holes and shadows. They're actually part of a larger coral reef system that spans an entire football field in length. They're the arm and leg extensions if you will, and they are expanding and choking out the smaller corals, like us, everyday. Like giant clams, they take up a lot of space and once they settle in, they stay there permanently.

In front of us, well they are a family of sharks. They live off of the giant clams' territory, produce nothing, but take large chunks out from the little fish like us every day. To my left is a little shop that produces a cacophony each night. This is where the cuttlefish dwell, fish who change their colors as their mood sets. One minute blue with sadness; but mostly green with envy, red with anger, black with vengeance,and purple in the face from jealousy. These cuttlefish are exceptionally loud and give me headaches every afternoon from their gossip.

Who are we? My husband and I are the small clown fish. My husband was the solo male clown fish for a long time, until I came along to stand by him. We live in a cocoon, an anemone that surrounds and stings us all day every day. The stinging is provoked by the clams, sharks and cuttlefish in our little make-believe world, but I choose to see it as a good sting. It keeps us focused and humble. We're very protective of our home, and on a good day we feast, and we feast well in spite of the efforts of those around us.

Well, looking back on what I've written so far...I now see that this is the strangest post I have every written. I have thought about this way too much, and while it's been a fun diversion relating my infuriating real life experiences to a fictional coral reef....I think I'll quit while I"m ahead.    

Cheers,
Stef

A Good Day for Home Improvements; the latest installations!

 Yesterday was a good day....we had a group of climbers, who managed in two days to give us enough business to allow us some breathing room and luxury spending!  Thanks to you kids and hope you come back....real soon! :)

So what exactly did we spend our money on? Our home of course! That's where all our cash goes, into the shop or into our home. It's a piece meal effort, but eventually our home will get there...at this rate we're buying one essential per month: bed, cabinet, pillows, chairs....next will be the electricity, installing a kitchen and building a garden. Maybe another 2 years before our home will be anything to show off, but who the hell cares. It's fun building from the ground up!

So what did we spend it on this time? We bought ourselves some kick ass bar stools for the guests we hope to one day entertain, at a kitchen/coffee corner we hope to one day install. This MIGHT have been a premature purchase, but the chairs were beautiful and the deal was awesome....so OK.

 Decorative furniture pieces: locking lounge cabinet (for all the books my Aunts send me!); clothing cabinet for our room; hand crafted wooden jewelry box from a local market; and outdoor patio & chairs for guests who need to smoke, outside of my house please :)


Side note: here in the South of Thailand, roughly 99.9 % of men smoke. I don't know why, and I'm not sure if this is a 'machismo' appeal or a cultural preference....but I was shocked to learn, that unless otherwise told, men felt right at home smoking up inside a friend's place of residence....no no no no no!  The patio furniture is my attempt at politely encouraging a 'farang-friendly' residence!

I think that will be it for our home improvements for a while...at least until we get another luxury cushion from an exceptionally good business day.

Know any friends? Why not send them this way?!

Cheers,
Stef

Bad-Mannered Backpacker Bargaining! When NOT to bargain prices in Thailand....

I've got a bone to pick with backpackers right now...Day in and day out, tourists come asking for information regarding our rock climbing courses, and without fail most of them immediately start to bargain the price down.

I understand that in Asia, bargaining is a way of life. And it's usually a fun and entertaining exchange if done the right way: politely and with smiles from BOTH parties. But the logical rule is, if it's an outdoor market or second hand material purchase go on and bargain fairly; however if it's an established shop with amenities like rent, electricity, and staff....well then keep into consideration that the cost is set to cover overhead and daily expenses in order to keep a small business running.

(Also, I would like to point out one small fact. Here in Railay Beach, we charge just $27 USD for a 4 hour introductory sport climbing course in one of the top 5 world destinations for rock climbing, which is nearly 1/3rd the price you would pay for the same service in your home country...give us a break, it's cheap enough already!)

Here tourists are pushing so hard to lower the cost, and I would like to point out that here we have a contract. All the climbing schools have set the same prices for every course offered, and for this very reason as it prevents competition from getting too ugly on the bay we live in, which is roughly the size of a large shopping mall in Bangkok. We also believe quality should matter and corners should not be cut when it comes to sport climbing, where there is always a risk of injury and accident if unsuspecting tourists are left in incompetent hands.

Can you imagine this scenario? You cut the cost of your tour, which means the operator has to find a guide who is willing to work for less than the usual going rate of work. No self-respecting qualified guide would work for less than what he deserves for his hard work, which leaves only the 'troubled' and 'undesirable' (usually self-trained and un-certified) ones available for work. When it comes to sport climbing there are a lot of safety risks to assess and check before you 'climb on' and I can't imagine why anyone would want to cut corners when it comes to hiring someone directly responsible for protecting your life and limb on the crag!

More troubling, I have seen tourists offering to pay foreigners (amateur to seasoned climbers themselves) to take them climbing. Who in their right mind would be silly enough to take on that risk? Nearly all of the climbing accidents and injuries we see on Railay are from self-professed pro-climbers not clipping in correctly. Sometimes they get too cocky, or cut corners and don't clip in at every bolt, and then that's when things get sloppy and accidents happen.  Most times the accidents are more commonly due to misuse of gear, i.e. when the quick draw fails because the rope or carabiner gets tangled incorrectly.

Check out this safety video for details on how to prevent such accidents: The Dangers of Using an Open Quickdraw

Safety and quality should matter to every tourist planning on traveling through foreign countries; especially in countries where safety standards might not be as strict and regulated as your home country's standards....think twice before you bargain for your adventure tour, because the end result may cost you a whole lot more than you bargained for!

Signing Out,
Stefanie
Real Rocks Railay

Building a home, Thai style!

 We are definitely starting from scratch....Tik's home, well I don't even want to go into his living conditions online pre-moi but I can say I would have preferred a tent in the forest compared to his diggs.

After days of cleaning and scrubbing, it turns out Tik had the foundations in place for what could be a beautiful home. With the right amount of time (of which we have little), money (of which we have none) and optimism (of which we turn to a lot lately) we are slowly tearing down old walls and building new ones, literally, roofs too!

Pictured left: Tik's traditional Thai toilet, a perfect example of a perfect fixer-uper. The flooring is nice; a thick marble tint slab and a foundation made of local stones and fossil shells. The new wood peeking out behind the decaying walls has already been installed, and the old 'blue' wood will be recycled into shoe shelves outside our front door. The shower head is easily replaced and while low on our list of priorities currently, we do one day plan on switching out that squat toilet for something more western-friendly....who knows when.

 We've started at the very beginning, building new walls and repairing a roof that suffered heavy damage after years of monsoon seasons. I'm currently hiding the uglier parts of our temporary roof with some of Tik's old sports team flags; this too will be taken down once the wood is painted and shiny! Our walls are bare, but they'll fill up before we know it!

Our home will also become the main office of our climbing shop, Tik is currently submitting the documents for a name and address change. Once our home/office front is set up we will have a presence on the mainland as well as Railay, which opens up possibilities for more marketing opportunities and clientele.

Pictured below left, is the view from the front door. Tik is busying himself being handyman and carpenter. In his words: "I'll do anything, but the electric." Tik had a bad, unspeakable bad, experience being electrocuted before (this explains his frizzy hair!) We have a pretty dodgy electric wiring system that needs to be replaced asap, but as it's the end of Ramadan holy week it's been a waiting game until the electrician is available for work.

I have always dreamed of having a Thai style sitting room/ lounge area...and while Tik and I made our first purchases on pillow sets and back rests, we're still a little ways off until I get my dream set, below right!  Tik and I dine like KINGS on the mainland, where we are saving 40% on food and up to 45% on rent since we moved off of Railay.  The menu last night: stir fried rice with tuna, spicy tuna salad chili dip, squid curry with red curry basil, some deep fried chicken on a stick with sweet plum sauce, and 'gow lao' a plain soup with beef broth, mushrooms, greens and boiled tomatoes....noodle soup minus the noodles.

 Here are the office pictures: our brand new beautiful sign and logo on the front door as well as its Thai version which will be installed on the shop walls in Railay.  The office space will moonlight as our kitchen in the evenings after work and a coffee corner for business meetings and clients. We have absolutely nothing installed for a kitchen yet, but hopefully in the next few months we'll be able to save up for some gas burner stoves and a sink!  (Since this photo, the metal monstrosity on the right corner has been removed and its items sit nicely on new wooden 'polished' shelves Tik installed last night.

Tik and I live in a nice, quiet neighborhood located just a two minute walk from the boat pier to Railay.
We are lucky to have friends with cars and motorbikes, which we borrow frequently as we do our mad sunset-runs to the wood working shops and home supply stored. Once we get off of work at 5 pm, we usually have about 2 hours of light left in the day to get anything done before we succumb to our hunger, feast, and pass out watching movies on my laptop.


I am slowly settling into a routine here. It fits. In the mornings we wake up at 7, and Tik is off first thing to the shop to open before 8:30 am.  I stay behind, run a load of clothes in the washing machine, tidy up the bed and the house, shower, hang clothes to dry, bag some meats/rice/curries and fruit in plastic bags to carry for lunch later on in Railay. I proceed to walk to the boat pier at 9:45, which allows me 15 minutes to enjoy a coffee in the pier while watching the busy morning boat traffic. On the way our neighbors are making papaya salad and pounding chilies in their massive mortar and pestles, and I shout out the local "Bang!" for greetings brother, and "Ja!" for greetings sister as it is the polite thing to do in these parts. And forget the Thai 'Sawasdees' in this part of town, I only receive and give the Muslim 'As salaam alay kum' which translates to peace be upon you. I get big nods and smiles of approval for those small gestures.

My boatman nods and smiles in hello, and I am happy to have recognized him! Tik has made special arrangements with individual boat drivers for our daily transfers to and from Railay, and I have a hard time keeping who's who straight in my head! I sip my 20 Baht Nescafe, no sugar, creamer only, and take a second to remark that I now have to take a boat to work every day.

Cheers,
from Real Rocks Railay :)

New Community, New Career, New Life in Southern Thailand

It.Is.Quiet....very quiet tonight here in Railay Beach, Thailand....Usually between the hours of 7-9 pm there are hundreds of tourists walking in and between the restaurants, bars and tourist agencies looking for their next meal and tomorrow's adventure...but tonight, there is no one.  The weather is fine, the sky is bright, the seas are calm, and yet the island is in fact, dead. I hope it's just the final remains of tourist 'low season' here in Thailand, and that we will only have a couple of weeks more to grit through before we start turning over some real profit.

The quiet might be a small blessing in disguise, because for the first time in weeks it is allowing me to sit still and reflect. The last two months of my life have been moving at super sonic speed, and I have been swept up in the momentum of its changes.  In case you didn't know already, I got married. I married a lovely Thai man, named Tik, and we are happily settling into 'a life for two' here in our little piece of paradise. We actually live in paradise. Railay Beach has some of the most photographed beaches in the world and almost every publication promoting tourism in Asia and tropical paradise will host a picture of Phra Nang beach, which is now just a 5 minute walk from my work. 

Despite the trash I've read about online (and personally seen in some red-light areas throughout Thailand), expat love with a Thai man is an exciting and fulfilling adventure so far. It's not easy, that's for sure. There's a LOT of paperwork to take into consideration and a lot of legal loops to jump through to guarantee your love is true and not 'a ticket out' one day. But, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat since I know I am the luckiest girl in the world to have the love of a good man like Tik. 

So, currently Tik and I are doing great! Another interesting change in my life has been my recent career change. From freelance, travel guide extraordinaire and long term volunteer adviser, I am suddenly in the hot seat of managing my husband's rock climbing business! And I'll be the first to admit I have absolutely no idea what I am doing! 

We're spending a lot of money we don't currently have purchasing gear and whatnot; I'm hoping there's some truth to the old saying "you gotta spend money to make it!"  We are also refurbishing a home. Tik's home has been the bachelor crash pad for years, and in need of come serious touch-ups. The past month we have spent money on new roofing  building windows, raising walls, purchasing a mattress/pillow/bed set, new fans and household supplies. It's been a slow process, but we seem to be in our last days living on Railay and ready to move to Ao Nammao soon! This will be a great move for many reasons, mostly cutting down on daily expenses such as: food, fruit, coffee, snacks, shop/office supplies, etc. Ao Nammao means easier access to markets, cinema, shopping plazas and newspaper stands (everything a modern lady needs!) 

I am also slowly adjusting to Southern Thai life. The Southern Thais are remarkably different from their northern counterparts: they're louder, faster, spicier cooks, ruder, aggressive in their hospitality (if you can imagine such a phenomenon) and constantly borrowing money from each other. The borrowing money aside (I guess a lot of Thais have false conceptions of local Thai marrying foreigner = automatic wealth!); the community here has been very welcoming and supportive of me and Tik. I hope I can make friends quickly, because right now my only friend and confidante in sight is my husband which might prove troublesome someday.  

OK...time to start perusing online resources for running a small business; 'accounting 101' and 'marketing in a new era of technology' should be the first hits!

Lots of love from Thailand! 
Stef

Almost French

Sarah Turnbull might be writing about a different country, but her words ring true for me too, as I attempt to carve out a new life for me and my husband here in Thailand! 

"The trail of lime trees outside our building is still a public loo. …where else are they supposed to go to the toilet in a city where public toilets are about as common as UFO sightings?” (pp.281-82)” 
― Sarah Turnbull, Almost French: Love and a New Life in Paris

Here garbage debris is hard to keep at bay, or on shore! We're living on the southern most tip of a peninsula, an island if you will, since it is completely cut off from the mainland by dense forest/jungle and is only accessible by boat. Tropical paradise, yes! But when the garbage pick up only comes once every two days (by boat!) in a community that houses hundreds of locals and hosts hundreds of visiting tourists, literally coming in waves....well, it becomes a problem. A lack of garbage bins and proper disposal units for tourists poses a serious threat to our health; and the same could be said for public toilets! Squat toilets, if not regularly hosed down become quite smelly and quickly! Squat toilets for the public, and clean ones at that...well that is a wondrous find indeed! Behind our shop is a mangrove forest, and my Mom recently learned to her horror that it is indeed a public urinal...but hey at least it's washed out to sea!

Side note: Is it really OK to pee in the ocean? Read more What's Another Drop in the Ocean?

“It is a bitter-sweet thing, knowing two cultures. Once you leave your birthplace nothing is ever the same.” 

That ship sailed for me years ago....most people think the biggest barrier is the language, and since my Thai is pretty simple that does pose a challenge from time to time...however I find that we can mostly understand each other without words, through the use of visual and bodily language. You learn to get creative! Bitter-sweet? Maybe. There are days when I find Thai people WAY too relaxed in their business dealings...everything can be laughed off, which makes me feel stressed out and frustrated when dealing with corruption or faulty construction workers. But that's just the culture, the passive culture, which admits that trouble comes daily regardless of what you do to prevent it. On the one hand I hope adopting this relaxed culture allows me to grow into an even more happy person, and yet on the other hand it makes me want to scream like a raging bitch when I feel like I'm the only one who take anything seriously....my cross to bear :) Bitter-sweet indeed.

"Such is the nature of an expatriate life. Stripped of romance, perhaps that's what being an expat is all about: a sense of not wholly belonging. [...] The insider-outsider dichotomy gives life a degree of tension. Not of a needling, negative variety but rather a keep-on-your-toes sort of tension that can plunge or peak with sudden rushes of love or anger. Learning to recognise and interpret cultural behaviour is a vital step forward for expats anywhere, but it doesn't mean that you grow to appreciate all the differences.” 

True, very true. But falling in love with a local certainly does help this adjustment. And while there are many differences in Thai culture that I may not agree with or understand, I accept that first and foremost I am a visitor in this country, and just because my husband is Thai does not mean I also will become Thai. I will always be an expat, a foreigner, an outsider living on the inside....and that is OK. Because the life of an expat, and all the struggles and challenges that follow when trying to 'fit in' is the life I chose for myself, a long time ago before Tik ever came into the picture....and I am excited to see how much more trouble comes our way, and how many more challenges we will face as a team....no longer solo, no longer alone, but supporting each other. 

Expat Strife & Bad Reputations in Thailand

I’ve been doing some research and I have discovered that the expat life is predominantly a male-driven life style; typically single, white, senior men (ages 50+) living out their retirement overseas. Expat communities crowd Southeast Asia and can be found in every major city and hot spot, tourist destination. In most parts of Asia you can spend less than $6 USD a day on food and rent a comfy furnished apartment for less than $150 USD a month, utilities included….so it’s not hard to guess why so many expats from wealthy regions (USA, UK, and Europe) choose to settle down in cheaper countries like Thailand.

The immigration laws here make it very difficult for foreigners to stay long-term in Thailand, and with good reason. Expats, in particular senior white men, have developed very bad reputations in Thailand. Sex tourism and prostitution is a black market trade that, sadly, flourishes in this country based on its popular demand from wealthy clients such as those expats mentioned above. Please note: I have met many good and decent expats in their senior years, and these are generalizations that certainly do not apply to everyone. Aside from black market sex, it is not uncommon for expats to open and work in businesses illegally in Thailand and exploit their positions of wealth.

 Unfortunately, the surest way to spot an expat is to find a foreigner “farang” middle aged man walking arm in arm with a young Thai woman. I have only on rare occasions met mixed race couples of the same age; it is almost always a foreigner man 20 years old taking a young bride, typically from the Isaan region bordering Thailand and Laos.

Don’t believe me? Look online! Google love and relationships in Thailand and you’ll find forums and websites dedicated to the hot topic of an older ‘farang’ looking for a hot young wife, and in response forums and blogs dedicated to warn these foreigner men from the conniving charms of local Thai women who are purely after their money and assets. (I’m sorry, but if you’re a senior citizen and a young 20 year old bar girl tells you she loves you…you’d be stupid to think she wasn’t looking for a way out!)

The whole thing makes me sick and angry most times…and here in the South of Thailand it’s happening more in the open than I’ve seen anywhere else! There’s a cycle of exploitation happening here: women being objectified, men being suckered, people getting stupid/angry/and violent from situations involving way too much alcohol, an all in all bad reputations are being formed for expats across SE Asia!

Certain generalizations should be stopped, even if they have been in place for more than 100 years.... 

“You're an expatriate. You've lost touch with the soil. You get precious. Fake European standards have ruined you. You drink yourself to death. You become obsessed with sex. You spend all your time talking, not working. You are an expatriate, see? You hang around cafes.” 
― Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises

Legal Marriage in Thailand....DONE!

In case you didn't know....Tik and I are legally married!

The process was quick and painless on the Thai front! We simply walked into the local government head office, and without even waiting in line signed our documents and paid the $1.50 service fee for notarizing the license.

Mom and Dad were there also, and while it wasn't a ceremonial wedding like the one we had in Ranong, it was certainly another big step we took together in the presence of my parents.

My parents were also introduced as Farida's parents. When I married Tik I adopted a new nickname, a family name for the community here as well as Tik's immediate family. Most people address me as Farida these days, not Stefanie. I think the name is beautiful so I am happy to take it!

While Mom and Dad were visiting I did my best to keep them entertained: lunch at local fishery islands nearby Krabi; visits to the emerald pools and natural hot springs; treks through national parks and caves; and lots of travel time on the local long tail boats to and from Railay Beach. Some days were rainy, most days were sunny, and Mom and Dad had a lot of relaxed downtime....because quite frankly when you're living on an island, that's all there is to do!  And despite Dad's worries of staying so long in a Muslim community, we were able to find plenty of grog for him.

 

 We also spent some time in Bangkok as well, exploring the water way taxis off the Chayo Praya River; navigating the streets of Chinatown and zipping in and out of the CBD via Bangkok's swanky BTS and MRT metro line.

I'm hoping Mom and Dad can make it out again someday soon, because Tik absolutely loved playing host to them! He thought my parents were so sweet and cool since the very first day he met them, and well...that's what everyone wants to hear about 'the in-laws!'

For those of you who are my Facebook friends, you can see the complete photo album online.

This blog is about to change, dramatically, in terms of content. I might consider changing the name to something like….The Happy Misadventures of Expat Life…or, An Expat Guide for Little Women…what do you think?

Stay tuned! 

Sawasdee, 

Stefanie (or Farida) 

Getting Married in Thailand

The pieces of the puzzle are finally starting to fall into place...Tik and I are getting married! Again!

As you know, Tik and I had a Religious ceremony last month in his hometown of Ranong. Since then, I have finished my last group with ISV, moved out from Baan Unrak (with a promise to return every 2
months) and have carried almost 80 kilos of accumulated crap to the south of Thailand, and into our new home in Krabi!

The past few weeks have been an interesting adjustment; living on an island (if that's what we can call it), running the finances of Tik's rock climbing business (check us out on Facebook Real Rocks Railay!) and settling into a new home with Tik.

Mom and Dad are flying out to visit us this week, and we have decided to sign our marriage licenses, with my parents as witnesses next week in Krabi. So, Tik and I are legally getting hitched, and this time my family will be there to celebrate!

It's kind of a pain in the ass to marry overseas, and it starts with an unpleasant experience at the US embassy in Bangkok (please read previous rant post "Royally Annoyed in Bangkok!")

First you have to prove you're single with a paper from the embassy (which states at the bottom that the embassy doesn't guarantee any of the information is true....
So, basically I paid 50 dollars for a paper that doesn't even prove anything.) What a waste!

Then you get the document translated into Thai. Next, sit in traffic for hours to get to the opposite side of the city to get the document certified by the ministry of foreign affairs and immigration department. (I am at this stage presently.)

After that it should be a quick trip to the local government office in Krabi to sign our marriage papers... Here's to hoping it is smooth sailing from here on out with my folks!

Safe flight mom and dad, happy to see you soon. For the rest of you out there, you can find me sipping champagne at the nail salon tonight; there are finer ways to spend my time in Bangkok!

A rant about US embassies overseas

I would like to take a moment to rant about US embassies overseas...I was kicked out 3 times from the embassy this morning for having a phone, an iPod and a USB in my bag. Here's the worst part, they wouldn't let me leave my electronics at security, I had to take them off the premise and leave them with someone outside. (What possible security threat could my 2 GB USB hold in a secure compound!!!)

I came alone so when I asked the guards outside to watch my stuff they declined saying 'personnel not allowed'...luckily I found an angry expat sitting outside (and who will remain there for several more hours) who was kind enough to hold my electronics while I notarized documents inside....in return I sat with him and listened to him rant about the rudeness of all things relating to uncle sam.

I expect to be treated differently when I am a guest in a foreign country, and I expect to be put out from time to time with Thai authority, but not from my own damn embassy!!!!

Royally annoyed in downtown Bangkok,
Stef

New life in Krabi with Tik!

In case you didn’t know already….Tik and I got hitched! We married on the 25th of July, a Muslim wedding in his home town of Naga (Ranong) in front of all of his friends and family! It was a shock to everyone when we came back to town, what we had done and how quickly…even for us, we were engaged for only 10 days before tying the kno

t! But…all I can say is when I know, I know. Since my last post, there have been so many changes….too many to possibly catch up on in one post, so I won’t even try. Just know that I fell in love with a boy (a Thai one at that!), we recently got married, and I have since finished my last job with ISV and have officially moved out of the Baan Unrak Children’s Home (as of 2 days ago.) My last days at Baan Unrak were bitter sweet, but the kids were genuinely happy for me (Thar Gyi especially!) and we have made a deal that every 2 months I will come to visit for a week or so as long as I have enough money to travel and god willing that I don’t get pregnant for another 3 years, at least! Yes, Tik and I are in no rush to have children of our own. We want to enjoy our time as a married couple and we have a lot to do before we can even consider the possibility of providing more grandchildren to our parents: immigration paperwork for me to stay in Thailand; visa paperwork for Tik to visit Miami; working hard to get the rock climbing business up and running; buy land; build house; travel to Nepall, the usual etc…. The move from Baan Unrak to Krabi was HARD! Emotionally more than anything else….but lugging 3 bags of overweight crap around Bangkok city was no piece of cake either! But I am here now, officially moved in with Tik and working in the office of his rock climbing shop on Railay Beach. The next step for us is to fix up his place for us to be comfortable living in (installing a kitchen and a roof for starters) and registering with the local governor for legal documentation of our marriage. I am happy, in love and feeling refreshed! Stay tuned, for new adventures as my life takes a turn for the…..

This One's Just for the Family!

Further reading Gretchen's "The Happiness Project" has had me thinking a lot about the day to day practices I take to maintain joy and happiness in my own life. The one thing I don't do enough of is take time out for myself. I have a nasty habit of filling my free time with extra work....a habit, I am sure, I picked up from my over-productive mother. As a result, I become overly tired and cranky, with no one to blame for it but myself. I also need to do better keeping in touch with those in my life who truly make me happy: friends and family.

Case in point, today is my free day. After waking up late and rushing my group out the door to breakfast, substitute teaching the English class at school, sorting overdue work emails and answering work related calls...well I'm not having much of a day off after all. :)  My fault. I forgot to administer the kill switch when I woke this morning!

I realized that I missed a phone date with my sister in law this morning, and I am sorry for that. I received a sweet email from my father, telling me how much I am being missed by my parents, and I have yet to respond to my brother's birthday email with relevant updates or news....I am dropping the ball with my family, and I want them to know that even when I don't write, don't call, don't post photos for them...it's not because I am not thinking of them.

So this one's for you!

Mom & Dad:  I am doing well.  A couple weeks ago I got pretty sick and I was afraid I had dengue fever again. There's been a terrible outbreak in Sangkhlaburi (and throughout the rest of Thailand they're expecting a record outbreak this year); I had all the right symptoms for it but luckily whatever I had passed through my system within 24 hours.

I am currently at Baan Unrak. My ISV groups have been really good so far. I had a lot of trouble with my first group of the season, but that was more because of the project and environment we were in (far in the North of Thailand.) The last two groups have been home at Baan Unrak and we've been working hard trying to develop our organic farm....quite the challenge as the majority of our volunteers are not used to physical labor, much less labor in the tropical heat and mountain terrain.

Funny, this is not the life I ever imagined for myself...it's gotten to the point that my hands are so tough and calloused that I never need to use gloves when working with the tools or the land. My skin has become naturally resistant to mosquito bites, I rarely ever get bitten these days. My arms and face also no longer burns in the hot midday sun and I feel less hot when I am covered up fully than when wearing singlets or shorts. Just like a local now.

Work is work, and things are the same as usual in that department. I'm working more this season than I have in a while now, and I welcome it. I'm no longer thinking just 3 or 4 months ahead at a time, I am genuinely trying to save for building a good life here: home, land, washing machine....these things I would like coming my way in the next year or so.

For my sister-in-laws and other interested parties: Tik and I are stronger than ever.  We talk openly about intending to marry and building a life together here in Thailand. His rock climbing business is still hanging in there, however it's been a hard low season for him already. Tik spent one month in Saraburi developing his skills as a rescue certified climber and networking contacts with government officials and other rock climbing industrialists in Thailand and Nepal. It was a great working opportunity for him, however it required a lengthy absence from his shop and he ended up losing quite a bit of money.  We only hope that the sacrifice now will pay off one day in the future.

He's developing a new project, and hopefully a new tour. It's an exciting project for him, and quite a lot of work and risk involved...however the pay off could be great. Tik can do it. I know he can. And he's doing it all for us. We don't want to marry or even think about having a baby until we have a house and a steady flow of income. It's a dream, one that hopefully will come true. At this point we are very comfortable with each other, taking things nice and slow. We are in no real rush and enjoying our time together, supporting each other. He's been an angel, coming to visit me in between groups when I needed a 'pick me up.' He's become a source of real and true happiness I never expected to find....honestly a love I never knew I was missing out on. I have been let down so many times before, and I don't deny there is still a tiny seed of fear in me, however he is a rock in my otherwise drifting existence.

Friends:  I think about my life in Thailand very differently now. I am feeling more settled than ever, and it is because I have people to settle down for. Thar Gyi, Faith, Thang Mo and many other kids at Baan Unrak don't have the option of traveling so I feel a need to stay close to them. Tik, my future, a life I am dreaming of for myself...it's all here. I still intend to come back to Miami next year for my annual visit, and Tik and I are fighting hard to save enough money for him to come with me. I need you to know him, before we marry, despite what my brother says :)

One day I might relocate back to the USA, if all else fails here. I know better than to say anything for certain, however it would be nice for you guys to start meeting me over on this side for a change!

For my brothers: As usual I may have my head in the clouds, but I am supremely happy.  Even in my toughest days at work or at the home, I feel stronger and supported. Thailand still continues to amaze me, with beauty, kindness, humor and challenge. I still find new and interesting sights, and the stimulation is an important factor to my happiness. I am sure of that.

I have chosen the unconventional path to success and happiness, and my definition of success may be far below the par we were raised with...but it feels right.

I love you guys so much, and I miss you every day. Really, I am blessed to have such a loving beautiful family and we already have so much to be grateful for. I hope one day our family will continue to grow one day, because I feel my time is coming soon!

Love,
Stef

Birthday Blues to the Happiness Project

Today is my birthday, and rather unexpectedly I have been granted a day off. A much needed day off I might add.

I woke up feeling miserable...The first thought that entered my brain when I woke up this morning was about my dear friend, and his funeral ceremony today. Out of respect for him and his family, I won't go into the details here only to say that his loss was unexpected and unexplained. I have known about his suicide for a couple of weeks now, and the only comfort I have found is that if someone is in so much pain that they feel the need to take their own life...well I hope they find (found?) the peace they were so longing for.

I am currently with a group of short term volunteers at Baan Unrak, and despite my best efforts I could not find the energy or drive to wake up and join them today. I made arrangements for them to work with another volunteer and justified my decision considering that I haven't had a true 'day off' in more than a month. After a sleep in I got phone calls from Tik, my friends and my Mom and well this helped boost my mood a lot. I took advantage of a rare showing of the sun (the monsoon rainy season is drowning the village!) finished washing and hanging my clothes and made my way up to the home to join my group. Turns out they also asked to take the afternoon off after a tough day on the farm...so alas here I am and rather unexpectedly, on my birthday nonetheless, also enjoying a rare day off! Even more incredible, the network is down on my phone so absolutely no calls can be made or come in today...I can't help but feel like the universe is telling me to slow down, shut off for a while, and recollect.

side note: [I struggle with guilt a lot when I take time off away from my groups, so I have promised them a documentary viewing tonight and an interesting discussion should follow: the subject being Aung San Suu Kyi.]

This morning, and for the better part of last night I have been trying to take stock of my life. Reexamining all the things that have made me happy over the years and dissecting the reasons behind those that didn't. Some big changes are coming up for me soon, as I hope to 'restart' if you will: new home, new job, new community, new life. As usual, with the prospect of big new life changes comes that terrifying fear...but if I have learned anything of myself these past 28 years it's that I can be fearless, or reckless according to my brother, by tumbling into the unknown with the risk of 'losing it all.' However, losing it all (at least financially) doesn't mean much when you really have nothing much to start with.

I recently had my fortune told and can't help but feel optimistic. Its Thai to English translation is a little funny, but the overall message is pretty clear:

"Successful in anything, but trading is the best. Forthcoming child will be baby. Your mate will make a good match. Lost articles will be recovered. Very good luck approaching. Patient fast recovering. Outstanding debts will be refunded. Overall, this one is especially good."

In case my family is freaking out, no I am not pregnant and no Tik has not yet asked me to marry him. Rest assured, I am doing well and continuing to think and act independently in my life until I know for certain I will not be alone anymore.

Have you heard of 'The Happiness Project'?  I've just finished reading it, and while most of it I feel is over analytic and dissected, some of the basic principles I will try to apply over the next coming months as I move closer to my own Happiness Project.

'Round the world, here we go again!

Back and forth again, the home comings, reunions and travel lags have made this blog post a long time coming! I have to admit, I have been avoiding my blog lately...I have been avoiding all email/internet communications outside of work since I have been feeling stressed and burnt out the last few months. Now, I feel fresh, recharged and energized! 

I have been back in the states again, 6 weeks this time!, revisiting family and friends. It's always bittersweet knowing my time with them is limited, however every moment counts and keeps me going while I am away living my life's work here in Thailand. So here's a brief recap of the last few months for you...in pictures!

When I came back to Thailand Tik surprised me in Bangkok and spent 10 days with me roaming the outer Kanchanaburi province: visiting friends along the way, exploring new parks, and most importantly introducing him to my kids at Baan Unrak! They absolutely loved him and well, that just makes my heart smile :) He has become such an important staple in my life, and I feel he has filled THE void in my almost perfect life. 

My friends back home, Stephy, Nadia, Madeleine...I would be lost without your love and support. You guys are my rocks and I believe I am fearless because I know I always have warm friends to cry to at the end of a hard and long day. I love you guys! 

My family, has grown exponentially and they are getting BIG. Here the boys are looking more and more like little men, and building their courage to speak and play like their older brother Cooper. 

My mom, always the all-things-Mexican enthusiast! I've never heard of pinatas for Easter, but what the hell the kids absolutely loved watching Abue beat the living daylights out of this stuffed bunny!

Cooper is becoming more and more handsome, and I love him for his kindness and respect every time he sees me. I love this little man the most, and I'm looking forward to the day he's asking me for travel advice! 

The little girls are just precious, aren't they? Sarah is still a little bit cautious, however she seems to trust me a little bit more each time I come back to visit. Sofia is a trusting snuggle bunny and I see her as the 'reckless one' something I can relate to in my family!

This time I enjoyed cooking home meals for my family, shopping (thanks Mom!) and overall just lazy hang out days around Miami. I look forward to next year's return! 

Now I am back at work, at the children's home Baan Unrak. Tik is on his way to Saraburi for work and it looks like it might be another 2 months before we can see each other again. We are trying our hardest to make this work, and he keeps me going with more purpose than ever here in Thailand. 

ISV groups are coming soon, in less than 2 weeks I will be off to Chiang Dao working at a wildlife conservation project for the first time. A new adventure, a new challenge, and new fresh group of volunteers to lead safely through the jungle mountains....on and on we go! 

Cheers, 

Stefanie