This One's Just for the Family!

Further reading Gretchen's "The Happiness Project" has had me thinking a lot about the day to day practices I take to maintain joy and happiness in my own life. The one thing I don't do enough of is take time out for myself. I have a nasty habit of filling my free time with extra work....a habit, I am sure, I picked up from my over-productive mother. As a result, I become overly tired and cranky, with no one to blame for it but myself. I also need to do better keeping in touch with those in my life who truly make me happy: friends and family.

Case in point, today is my free day. After waking up late and rushing my group out the door to breakfast, substitute teaching the English class at school, sorting overdue work emails and answering work related calls...well I'm not having much of a day off after all. :)  My fault. I forgot to administer the kill switch when I woke this morning!

I realized that I missed a phone date with my sister in law this morning, and I am sorry for that. I received a sweet email from my father, telling me how much I am being missed by my parents, and I have yet to respond to my brother's birthday email with relevant updates or news....I am dropping the ball with my family, and I want them to know that even when I don't write, don't call, don't post photos for them...it's not because I am not thinking of them.

So this one's for you!

Mom & Dad:  I am doing well.  A couple weeks ago I got pretty sick and I was afraid I had dengue fever again. There's been a terrible outbreak in Sangkhlaburi (and throughout the rest of Thailand they're expecting a record outbreak this year); I had all the right symptoms for it but luckily whatever I had passed through my system within 24 hours.

I am currently at Baan Unrak. My ISV groups have been really good so far. I had a lot of trouble with my first group of the season, but that was more because of the project and environment we were in (far in the North of Thailand.) The last two groups have been home at Baan Unrak and we've been working hard trying to develop our organic farm....quite the challenge as the majority of our volunteers are not used to physical labor, much less labor in the tropical heat and mountain terrain.

Funny, this is not the life I ever imagined for myself...it's gotten to the point that my hands are so tough and calloused that I never need to use gloves when working with the tools or the land. My skin has become naturally resistant to mosquito bites, I rarely ever get bitten these days. My arms and face also no longer burns in the hot midday sun and I feel less hot when I am covered up fully than when wearing singlets or shorts. Just like a local now.

Work is work, and things are the same as usual in that department. I'm working more this season than I have in a while now, and I welcome it. I'm no longer thinking just 3 or 4 months ahead at a time, I am genuinely trying to save for building a good life here: home, land, washing machine....these things I would like coming my way in the next year or so.

For my sister-in-laws and other interested parties: Tik and I are stronger than ever.  We talk openly about intending to marry and building a life together here in Thailand. His rock climbing business is still hanging in there, however it's been a hard low season for him already. Tik spent one month in Saraburi developing his skills as a rescue certified climber and networking contacts with government officials and other rock climbing industrialists in Thailand and Nepal. It was a great working opportunity for him, however it required a lengthy absence from his shop and he ended up losing quite a bit of money.  We only hope that the sacrifice now will pay off one day in the future.

He's developing a new project, and hopefully a new tour. It's an exciting project for him, and quite a lot of work and risk involved...however the pay off could be great. Tik can do it. I know he can. And he's doing it all for us. We don't want to marry or even think about having a baby until we have a house and a steady flow of income. It's a dream, one that hopefully will come true. At this point we are very comfortable with each other, taking things nice and slow. We are in no real rush and enjoying our time together, supporting each other. He's been an angel, coming to visit me in between groups when I needed a 'pick me up.' He's become a source of real and true happiness I never expected to find....honestly a love I never knew I was missing out on. I have been let down so many times before, and I don't deny there is still a tiny seed of fear in me, however he is a rock in my otherwise drifting existence.

Friends:  I think about my life in Thailand very differently now. I am feeling more settled than ever, and it is because I have people to settle down for. Thar Gyi, Faith, Thang Mo and many other kids at Baan Unrak don't have the option of traveling so I feel a need to stay close to them. Tik, my future, a life I am dreaming of for myself...it's all here. I still intend to come back to Miami next year for my annual visit, and Tik and I are fighting hard to save enough money for him to come with me. I need you to know him, before we marry, despite what my brother says :)

One day I might relocate back to the USA, if all else fails here. I know better than to say anything for certain, however it would be nice for you guys to start meeting me over on this side for a change!

For my brothers: As usual I may have my head in the clouds, but I am supremely happy.  Even in my toughest days at work or at the home, I feel stronger and supported. Thailand still continues to amaze me, with beauty, kindness, humor and challenge. I still find new and interesting sights, and the stimulation is an important factor to my happiness. I am sure of that.

I have chosen the unconventional path to success and happiness, and my definition of success may be far below the par we were raised with...but it feels right.

I love you guys so much, and I miss you every day. Really, I am blessed to have such a loving beautiful family and we already have so much to be grateful for. I hope one day our family will continue to grow one day, because I feel my time is coming soon!

Love,
Stef

Birthday Blues to the Happiness Project

Today is my birthday, and rather unexpectedly I have been granted a day off. A much needed day off I might add.

I woke up feeling miserable...The first thought that entered my brain when I woke up this morning was about my dear friend, and his funeral ceremony today. Out of respect for him and his family, I won't go into the details here only to say that his loss was unexpected and unexplained. I have known about his suicide for a couple of weeks now, and the only comfort I have found is that if someone is in so much pain that they feel the need to take their own life...well I hope they find (found?) the peace they were so longing for.

I am currently with a group of short term volunteers at Baan Unrak, and despite my best efforts I could not find the energy or drive to wake up and join them today. I made arrangements for them to work with another volunteer and justified my decision considering that I haven't had a true 'day off' in more than a month. After a sleep in I got phone calls from Tik, my friends and my Mom and well this helped boost my mood a lot. I took advantage of a rare showing of the sun (the monsoon rainy season is drowning the village!) finished washing and hanging my clothes and made my way up to the home to join my group. Turns out they also asked to take the afternoon off after a tough day on the farm...so alas here I am and rather unexpectedly, on my birthday nonetheless, also enjoying a rare day off! Even more incredible, the network is down on my phone so absolutely no calls can be made or come in today...I can't help but feel like the universe is telling me to slow down, shut off for a while, and recollect.

side note: [I struggle with guilt a lot when I take time off away from my groups, so I have promised them a documentary viewing tonight and an interesting discussion should follow: the subject being Aung San Suu Kyi.]

This morning, and for the better part of last night I have been trying to take stock of my life. Reexamining all the things that have made me happy over the years and dissecting the reasons behind those that didn't. Some big changes are coming up for me soon, as I hope to 'restart' if you will: new home, new job, new community, new life. As usual, with the prospect of big new life changes comes that terrifying fear...but if I have learned anything of myself these past 28 years it's that I can be fearless, or reckless according to my brother, by tumbling into the unknown with the risk of 'losing it all.' However, losing it all (at least financially) doesn't mean much when you really have nothing much to start with.

I recently had my fortune told and can't help but feel optimistic. Its Thai to English translation is a little funny, but the overall message is pretty clear:

"Successful in anything, but trading is the best. Forthcoming child will be baby. Your mate will make a good match. Lost articles will be recovered. Very good luck approaching. Patient fast recovering. Outstanding debts will be refunded. Overall, this one is especially good."

In case my family is freaking out, no I am not pregnant and no Tik has not yet asked me to marry him. Rest assured, I am doing well and continuing to think and act independently in my life until I know for certain I will not be alone anymore.

Have you heard of 'The Happiness Project'?  I've just finished reading it, and while most of it I feel is over analytic and dissected, some of the basic principles I will try to apply over the next coming months as I move closer to my own Happiness Project.