A day in the Life of...Part 1

This post has taken me nearly 1 week to finish due to constant interruptions and the fact that anything that requires 100% of my time and attention gets put on the back burner a lot lately... Allow me to break it down for you:

PART 1---

“There are no 'good' or 'bad' people. Some are a little better or a little worse, but all are activated more by misunderstanding than malice. A blindness to what is going on in each other's hearts... nobody sees anybody truly but all through the flaws of their own egos.

That is the way we all see ...each other in life. Vanity, fear, desire, competition-- all such distortions within our own egos-- condition our vision of those in relation to us. Add to those distortions to our own egos the corresponding distortions in the egos of others, and you see how cloudy the glass must become through which we look at each other.

That's how it is in all living relationships except when there is that rare case of two people who love intensely enough to burn through all those layers of opacity and see each other's naked hearts. Such cases seem purely theoretical to me...”

― Tennessee Williams

I am living in an ashram. The combined energy of meditation and yoga in my daily routine surrounds me with humble quiet...OK, maybe not quite like an ashram, and certainly not quiet...but hey, a pretty positive change of environment nonetheless.

This quote has been staring me in the face, ever since I wrote it down in my journal 3 weeks ago. During our late night chats Didi Devamala, the founder of the Home and spiritual teacher, shows me a new way of understanding people and phenomenon around me. She's teaching me how to distinguish between ego (ego of the self and outer perceptions blinded by our egos) and truth. Vanity, fear, desire, and competition have pushed me to go far in life...but for what? For whom? I have marked many maps, and created a job resume that makes people say 'how the...?'; and all along the way I am grateful to have learned so much about the world...But only now, for the very first time in my life, have I committed to a cause where I absolutely get nothing in return for my actions aside from love and acceptance. Only now, am I whole heatedly learning to love and open up to others (and more importantly love what I do with my life, without reservations.)

I am still afraid. Eventually my money will run out...but when I read back on my earlier post, all those BIG FEARS I mentioned seem so small and alien to me. How could I ever, even for one second, think I wouldn't be of much use to these kids? How silly we can be when our doubts overcome us...what a relief that's far behind me now!

The biggest thing I am learning these days is appreciation. Appreciation for everything my parents and older brothers did to raise me as a child. The kids I work with struggle most with discipline, mostly because they don't have anyone in their lives aside from Didi who's really invested in their futures. It takes such a strong mother, strong brother or sister, to say 'No'; to set rules and boundaries and truly discipline a child in the hopes of guiding them to be good and independent when they grow up. I have lived a very fortunate life, and every lesson taught has brought me here today. Thanks.

(I might not have kids of my own yet Mom, but it sure feels like I'm learning the same lessons Peter and Chris are when they first had kids!)

...Stay tuned for 'A Day in the Life of...Part 2"

1 Week And Still Settling

Hi guys, just a quick update to let you know how the first week's gone since The Great Move In.

The first weekend at the Home was a little slow. Most of the younger children ran around the grounds looking in the strangest places for short-term volunteers, since they had never seen me show up to Baan Unrak without them. Actually, quite cute!

The older kids welcomed me back warmly since they knew I was coming, and we spent most of the weekend together just catching up: walking around, talking, watching movies, playing with the dogs, etc.

The weekdays are quiet since the kids are away at school all day, but Didi is keeping me busy with special projects: handling the kids' individual sponsorship details and communication with private donors; managing the computer 'playroom' privileges; creating a reward system for the teenagers being home schooled so they have incentive to do well in their studies...this on top of my own private projects I'm hoping to set up next month. (More on that, later!)

When the kids come home from school, 3:30pm or so...the real work begins. Suddenly, they're everywhere! Climbing up every spare limb, shouting for my attention, getting into trouble...whoa! And that's the point, from 3:30-10pm I'm all theirs.

The older kids keep asking me how long I think I will stay...I think they're testing me. They want to know how close they can get, or better how close they shouldn't get in case I leave suddenly. I am treading carefully here, but making it very clear to them, every day, that I am 100% here for them now...and no one else.

Didi eventually sees me taking over as Teenage Supervisor, but at this point I'm nowhere near ready. The teens will be challenging, since everyone knows those hormonal years are hard enough in the best of circumstances. Here it can get even worse when everything has to be shared, violence and abuse runs rampant in the local community, and privacy is non-existent. I am taking the time now, step by step, little by little, to earn their individual trust and respect. Slowly building bonds for future use when the time calls for it.

Most of the teens I'm already quite close to, but at a very superficial level...I want them to be able to share secrets with me, to bring me in close and allow me access as another set of eyes and ears around the Home. That, if I can do it, will be my greatest contribution to Didi. She worries so much about them, but they live in a 'secret world' as Didi says...something she doesn't have 100% access to as a 'mother.' Hopefully, an 'older sister' will be the answer.

This weekend I plan on starting the 'real' work. I'm taking some of the teens out for a walk around town and for a swim in the lake. I plan on starting this regularly (with small groups or individuals) so that way they can feel special, establish one-on-one bonds with me and hopefully take me into their hearts for good.

Wish me luck.